Last week, in a conversation with a professional woman in a busy leadership role, I mentioned mindfulness. Her response was that she had tried it and ‘it did not work’. I questioned her on what specifically she had tried and how it had not worked. She said she had tried various forms of meditation but had not achieved the result of the clear calm mind that the instructors had promised.
I want to draw a couple of distinctions:
mindfulness is not necessarily synonymous with meditation;
the purpose of mindfulness (or even meditation) is not necessarily to clear and calm the mind.
Mindfulness is not meditation
The word ‘mindfulness’ is used so much in the wellbeing and performance spheres, it has almost become cliché.
Although the benefits of mindfulness and meditation can overlap, meditation is only one application of mindfulness. Also, mindfulness meditation is but one form of meditation. The two terms are regularly confused or used interchangeably, as the references to mindfulness and meditation often closely follow each other.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is paying attention to our internal and external experiences in the present moment without judgement. Mindfulness is about presence. It is about unbiased awareness.
The purpose of mindfulness is not to create clarity and calm (although these can arise as a bonus). The purpose of mindfulness is to notice our experience, whilst refraining from evaluation.
The truth is, rather than being relaxing, mindfulness can feel quite chaotic (especially when we first start to practice it), as we notice the noise and bustle of our mind. It can actually feel overwhelming to witness the frenetic bouncing and swooshing of our thoughts or the swirling, weightiness or constriction of our emotions.
Benefits of mindfulness
Here are some ways mindfulness can enhance our lives.
A richer experience of life:
Have you ever come to the end of eating a slice of cake or other delicacy and wondered where it all went? You have eaten, it’s all gone but you missed the experience of eating it. What about the little daily things we do on autopilot – making and drinking a cup of tea or coffee, having a hot shower or applying moisturiser to your hands?
If we were to slow down once in a while and actually notice our sensory experiences, we would have a richer, more attuned experience of life. We can pause on our walk to take in the sights, smells and sounds. We can savour a treat and feel the pleasure of eating it. We can turn a shower or a hand massage into a mini spa session.
Doing what matters:
Have you ever had the experience where you have a goal or value but your actions seem to go in the opposite direction?
Do you pause in the moment when you are deciding between two options: work out or flop on the couch? Do you make that decision deliberately based on your goals and values, or do you operate without conscious awareness, then after a three-hour TV binge, regret the decision you made?
We can pause periodically and tune in to what we are thinking and feeling. We can identify what is going on internally for us at that moment of choice. Between our thoughts and our actions there is a powerful space, a place where we can consciously choose to pursue what is important to us. It is the space where we can get out of autopilot and design our actions, so they can serve us better.
Reduce stress:
We can use mindfulness to ground ourselves in a stressful situation.
Often stress is due not to what is actually happening, but due to our thinking. We cannot change the past. Worry and anxiety about the future is often coloured by our past experiences or exacerbated by our imagination.
We can pause, and tune into our breath and five senses to notice what we can see, hear, feel, taste and smell. This practice brings us back to the present moment and what is happening right now. By bringing our attention to the present moment we can exist in the now, an we can see that we are okay. We come into a more productive place where we can gain perspective and choose the next best action we can take.
Emotional regulation:
We can develop the habit of tuning into our emotional weather, to notice our feelings in a situation. Our emotions provide us with useful information about our boundaries and the way we view the world.
We can observe our emotions with curiosity and without judgement. We can allow our emotions to be as they are, even making room for them. We will then realise that feelings, even the strongest ones, come and go like the weather, and that we are able to contain our emotions just as the sky contains the clouds and storms.
We can also use the powerful pause between a feeling arising and our actions, to become aware of our feelings in the moment and choose a conscious and wise response, rather than being hijacked by an emotional storm.
Self-knowledge:
The most life-changing outcome from practicing mindfulness is the attainment of self-awareness and self-knowledge.
We get to know our thinking patterns. We then have the power to notice whether a particular thought pattern is serving us to go in the direction of our goals or values. This gives us choice in how to respond to our thoughts.
We become aware of and befriend our emotions (see previous article on Befriending Our Emotions). This gives us the freedom to drop the struggle with our internal experience and do the things that are important, even when it feels difficult.
It is through knowing ourselves that we can set out on a path of our choosing and design our life.
I will leave you with a little quote from me:
The breath is the way to mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the way to self-knowledge.
Self-knowledge is the way to self-mastery.
Self-mastery is the power to choose our response in any situation.