Self-reflection, introspection or inner contemplation is one of the highest and most powerful abilities we as humans have.
What do I mean by ‘self-reflection’? To me, it is the practice of contemplating our own actions, thoughts, feelings and reactions to given situations in order to understand ourselves better and to be able to move forward with a deeper connection to ourselves and true self-acceptance.
This is to be distinguished from self-judgment or rumination. Self-reflection is a compassionate and loving observation of our inner goings-on, guided by genuine curiosity and forward thinking.
Self-judgment is when we impose labels on our character about the type of person we deem ourselves to be. These labels can be ‘good’ (eg ‘I am a kind person’) or ‘bad’ (eg ‘I am so clumsy’). This is often done unconsciously and can impact our lives in profound ways, including by holding us back from pursuing important goals.
Rumination can take the form of living in the past, turning events over and over in our mind. We might feel we have suffered some injustice and ask ‘why me?’. Quite possibly we unconsciously allow those past events to overtake our present and dictate our future.
One of the magic things about self-reflection is that it allows us to notice self-judgment and rumination and name them for what they are. This is the first step towards reducing their impact on our lives.
Self-reflection also strengthens our resilience as we are able to gain a better perspective on, and understanding of, our own role in how we interpret challenging events and difficult thoughts and emotions.
Making time for inner contemplation is an act of self-care and signals to your whole being that you are worthy and important.
How do we do self-reflection in practice? Here are a few ideas:
Writing
Writing down our thoughts and feelings unburdens the mind and helps us gain clarity. In the process we are also noticing our thoughts and naming our feelings, which, in the case of difficult feelings and unhelpful thoughts, can help reduce their impact.
We might ask ourselves questions such as ‘What thoughts am I having about this situation? What am I making it mean?’ or ‘What are the feelings I am having? Where do I feel them? How does it feel?’.
By noticing our thoughts, we gain the power to identify which thoughts are helpful and which are not. By ‘helpful’ I mean thoughts that are likely to move us into productive action, regardless of whether they are positive or negative. We are also better able to notice when we are ‘hooked’ on unhelpful thoughts, and guide our actions in our chosen direction, rather than allowing unhelpful thoughts to dictate what we do. Remember, irrespective of what we think, we always have the power to act differently.
By allowing ourselves to feel uncomfortable or difficult emotions we acknowledge that our feelings are valid and important, and we are better able to make room for these feelings so we can move forward.
Art
Creating art can be another way to connect with and express our feelings and emotions. The act of creation can provide that still, sacred space where we are able to observe things as they are, not as we or society judge them to be.
Meditation
Meditation is commonly associated with introspection. There are a variety of different types of meditation. One method for the present purposes is to sit quietly in a comfortable position, tune in to our minds or bodies and notice what thoughts, feeling and sensations arise with openness and curiosity and without judgment. A useful technique is to say to yourself ‘there’s thinking’ or ‘there’s a feeling’. Observe like a curious scientist without deeming things as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.
Coaching
Working with a coach can provide us with the opportunity to connect with our inner selves and can be beautifully transformative. Simply seeking out the services of a coach is a powerful act of self-reflection, it signals to your whole being ‘You matter, I love you and I want to get to know you better’.
A good coach will create a space of high-quality uninterrupted attention, deep listening and incisive questions. This process helps us shine a light in the attic of our minds and hearts and illuminate the corners where we might not have ventured before. We also realise that we already hold the answers to our own life’s tensions, frustrations and dilemmas and those solutions steadily emerge, allowing us to step into a future of our own design. Coaching can truly bring the gifts of empowerment and clarity.
Note: Please note that there are circumstances where the services of a counsellor or therapist would be more appropriate.
Self-reflection leads to self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is the path to self-mastery. Self-mastery is the power to choose our responses in a given situation.
I would love to learn about your self-reflection practices. Feel free to email me at eva@genkiproject.com.au or connect on Facebook or Instagram.
Yours in the pursuit of Genki,
Eva